PE=mgh

Watch me as I make a scene.

Time seems to pass faster than the usual.

I have you with my arms that morning but I was shocked, confused, and teary-eyed when that evening I saw you with someone. How can you smile knowing that you’re peeling off my heart? I didn’t tell you that I already knew. I am waiting for you to say so. You know why? Because I am still hoping that it’s me that you’ll choose; that you can’t do such thing because you said you love me so much that it kills you seeing me hurting. But everyday’s getting worse. You have changed. It’s me that you’re with but your heart, your mind, your being are all hers. What’s with her that I don’t have? As far as I can remember, I have loved you for my entire life, so much that I’ll give my life in exchange for yours in case you’re hurt; so much that I’ll jump off a cliff knowing that there are hundreds of rocks waiting for me, ready to crush my bones; so much that I’ll take every hurting risk just to prove my love for you; so much, so much that loving you hurts.

Time seems to pass faster than the usual.

Your smiles are mine then, now they’re not. How could you do that? How could you take away the reason why I live; how could you take yourself away from me knowing that being apart from you can cause me death. How come you can run as fast as time goes by it’s as if you’re ready to leave me anytime? Loving you is suffocating. It kills me everytime I take a breath. But I couldn’t stop because I know stopping means losing you and losing you means killing me. If the only way to keep you from going, from leaving is to endure all the pain -of you, being happy with her, then I would. It’s not that bad compared to that moment I saw you happy with her. I have realized that I never really loved myself like I do to you. I know I am such a fool for letting you hurt, for letting you stay. But what can I do? I said I love you. And with that, I know I cannot stop myself anymore. So please, stay. I won’t stop you from seeing her, from loving her, but please don’t stop me from loving you too.

Time seems to pass faster than the usual.

I have let you go -because you asked me to. I guess I didn’t have a choice. You’re happy with her and she completes you. You said I am perfect, that anyone who will have me as his girlfriend would be very lucky. You even said that you don’t deserve someone like me, because I can love you so deeply but you, you can’t. You said sorry that you let things this far. I said it was fine, that I can handle myself and that I am happy that you’re happy. You’re my destiny, but she’s your destiny. You turned your back, smiling, I did to. But as time seems to pass faster than the usual, tears are the ones which replaced those smiles. I can no longer live my life. Is that even possible; to breathe without air, to drink without water, to eat without food, to write without paper, to live without you?

I was standing, with that moment, where I see all tangible things. It was beautiful. I can see all people from here, yes they’re busy because they have time to catch up, and they have life to run wild. I didn’t mind smiling for the last time because at least this very scene is the one that will stick to my memory at the end. For the first time, it’s not him that causes my smile and my happiness. I am saying goodbye, to you, and to this. I took a deep breath and looked up, facing sky. I heard someone, “STOP!” It was too late. I am now in a process of facing my death. I don’t know how the journey will be, all I know how it will end. I looked at the person who tried to stop me. He’s blurry because of tears. It was fast. Time is so fast that the moment I tried to open my eyes, I couldn’t.

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